Background Info on the Policy
After an unfortunate incident involving vanilla-flavored cream cheese at a company-wide event, it became clear that we needed to craft a comprehensive policy to avoid future problems. If you're considering applying to work at Uptech Studio we encourage you to review the policy to understand if your values align with ours. And if you're an HR professional looking for a template to use while your own bagel policy, you're welcome to use our policy as a guide.
Policy Application
Employees who acquire bagels for a company event need to consider the Uptech Studio Bagel Policy. Violations of the policy are subject to disciplinary action. Personal consumption of food isn't subject to the policy – in other words, although you may be engaged in a crime against bagels by eating something that doesn't follow the guidelines described below, that in itself doesn't make you subject to disciplinary action.
Bagels
- Proper: Anything savory/neutral: plain, onion, sesame, poppy, garlic, salt, onion, everything, pumpernickel, rye, egg, etc.
- Acceptable: Anything with cheese baked in. Asiago, jalapeño cheddar, etc. These are tasty, but outside of canon.
- Not A Bagel: Cinnamon raisin, blueberry, chocolate chip, pumpkin. Anything with fruit or sweet.
Cream Cheese
- Proper: Plain
- Acceptable: Anything savory – onion & chive, garlic herb, lox, jalapeño, etc.
- No: Garden veggie. Carrots, celery, and bell peppers don’t belong on a bagel.
- No Sweets: Vanilla, honey, strawberry, etc.
Toppings
- Proper: Lox (preferably Nova), red onion, capers, tomato.
- Acceptable: Yellow/white onion, fresh dill, chives, smoked or cured fish other than lox (smoked whitefish).
- Borderline: Avocado, cheese, cucumber, bacon. Strictly speaking, these are wrong, but some people believe they have their place. Just as Chinese food is Kosher if it's Christmas, a bagel with avocado is ok.
- No: Misc vegetables like carrot slices, spinach, etc.
- Just Stop: peanut butter, jelly, chocolate chips, banana, etc.
Miscellaneous Concerns
- Sun-dried tomatoes. Sun-dried tomatoes are not strictly proper as an ingredient or topping, but not subject to disciplinary action.
- Open face. This is the proper way to serve/eat a bagel. A proper bagel meal is not a sandwich.
- Sandwiches. There are all sorts of things people put on a bagel and call it a sandwich. To each their own, but at that point the nature of the meal is more sandwich than bagel, which is a whole other topic. If you have been tasked with providing bagels for your coworkers and you have instead provided sandwiches, you have failed. If, however, you have been tasked with providing sandwiches, and they happen to be made with bagels as a vessel, that is fine.
